Is this even possible? Divorcing well, really? I know it may seem like a far fetched idea, two people that don't want to be together anymore, separating their lives, and getting along doing it. This is the essence of mediation. The litigation route can take couples down a road filled with bitterness, fighting, and emotional turmoil. Mediation seeks to find a way to end things with dignity. So how do you do that? T
- No harm. Decide now that you want to end the divorce without intentionally causing harm to the other person. We have seen people use the court system to cause more pain to the other person, dragging things out and making them "pay" for what went wrong in the marriage. Let's not forget the impact this has if you have children as well. Take the high road and if you have hurts, then work them out with a counselor or other third party. Don't use the divorce as a weapon.
- Be flexible. There will be points in the mediation that you must ask yourself, "is it that important to me?" This can be helpful when dividing assets. You get to pick what you want to fight for, what you are most passionate about and honestly, it can't be everything or you will be fighting all the time. Be willing to let go of some of your expectations for the sake of keeping the peace and getting through the process more easily and quickly.
- Get support. Your divorce impacts your life outside of the mediator's office or the court room. The more support you have from friends, family and other professionals, the more confident you will feel about the whole process. It is easier to let things go when you know you have a good life with other positive relationships. Some people do need to see a counselor or life coach to help them manage the emotions that arise during the divorce. This takes courage and is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Coping skills are important in divorcing well.
- Be Honest. From paperwork required, disclosures of assets and debts, to sharing what you want and don't want to happen, the more honest you are in the beginning the easier this will be. People that withhold information will end up drawing out the process and further frustrating themselves. If you don't like something that is being drafted in the agreement, speak up now. Sure, you can change things down the road, but why do that if you don't have to?
- Get perspective. How you look at the divorce impacts your behavior around the divorce. This is a challenging moment to see the glass half empty or half full. While there is a significant amount of grief that comes with divorce, there is also an opportunity. Recognize the positives and embrace the possibilities. Maybe you will be more mobile now and free to do things you couldn't do before. Or, this might be an opportunity to develop a new career, work on strengthening friendships or exploring new hobbies.
Mediation allows people to divorce well. We are committed to helping you get through the process and walk away with your head held high, ready for the next chapter in your life. Call us for a free consultation to see if we can be of service to you.